The wrong purpose?

I noticed that some people started writing on their goals for the future and grades and what not. And since I find this topic extremely relevant, I decided to write a post on a similar topic.

Sadly for me, the purpose of getting a good grade is mainly to please my parents. When I get a bad grade, the first thought that comes to my head is "oh no, what will my parents say?" And when I get a good grade I think "Yay, my parents will be happy!"

Maybe it's because grades mean a lot in my family. My parents are not the type who will say "oh, well. Better luck next time." It makes me worry that if my parents weren't around to please or anger, I wouldn't have the motivation, that I have now, to do good. I realize that I should change my perspective in grades, goals, etc. I should do things because I care for it, not to please others.

College is a scary thought. I worry that I will not get accepted into a decent college. I worry that I will fail the SATs. I worry that in college I will do terribly without the constant support/nagging of my parents.

I think that in high school, I do a lot of things just for college. For example over the summer, I volunteered twice a week for about 5 weeks at Manoa Library for the Summer Reading Program. I would like to think that the sole reason I volunteered was to go a good deed and be a good member of society and live a moral life. But honesty, I don't think it's the case. But of course to other people, I am going to say that I wanted to better the state of our community and help others.

Also, I am in S&D. (speech and debate) I joined this club last year because of my mom's incessant nagging to do so. My sister had done it all four years of her high school career and did exceptional. So when I first started, I felt forced. I did extremely bad in the beginning, and felt I had no talent in the art of debate. But with the support of my policy team, I continued on and barely made it to states, which was a pretty big accomplishment for me. And surprisingly at States, my partner and I took forth, which I still cannot belive was possible. At times I still think that I am only in this club to look "good" on my college application, but I enjoy to do it at the same time. I kind of strayed off topic. sorry about that.

I know that I should change my purpose to do good. It should be for myself, not for my parents.